You're in the mood, but he isn't. You'd like to play with yourself and come, but you're afraid he'll know you're masturbating and make fun of you. Well, fuck that!
It's a rare male who doesn't beat off at least on a weekly basis. So you can hardly feel ashamed that you want your fair share of orgasms. While you should worry about what he says or does when he discovers you masturbating, you may naturally want to keep it a private affair between you, your vibrator, and your pussy.
Here's our quick guide on how to masturbate in bed while your husband or boyfriend is sleeping beside you - all without waking him up!
If you've spent any time living with your spouse you know his sleeping habits. Some men fall asleep easily. Others toss and turn for an hour before finally going under.
Some guys are light sleepers, and for others even World War III wouldn't wake them up.
Life is easiest with the quick fall-to-sleeper. You know he's out when his breathing gets slower and deeper. And of course if he snores that's a sure sign. As long as you don't do aerobics he should stay sound asleep, and within minutes you'll be reaching orgasm.
If your husband is a light sleeper, you'll need to be a bit more crafty.
If you're used to masturbating with just your fingers, you'll either need to slow down (not always possible) or switch to a vibrating toy. You won't be jiggling the bed quite so much. Even if he's awake he may not be aware you're masturbating.
A discreet and quiet vibrator is a must. Some wall-powered massagers are very quiet, but then you have to contend with the power cord. Keep the massager plugged in, and stash it under the bed where he won't easily find it. (And even if he does you can tell him it's to relieve your sore muscles. After all, what's a pussy aching to come but a sore muscle!)
An egg or bullet vibrator that you insert into your vagina is a good option if you don't require direct stimulation of your clitoris. Insert the vibrator, and turn it on. You can also try out a rabbit style vibrator, and turn on only the motor that twists the clitoral stimulator. Squeeze the vibe between your legs, and use your fingers to apply necessary pressure.
Quiet vibrator or not, your spouse will know you just had an orgasm when you shout, "Oh my God, I'm going to cummmm!"
If you're the vocal type, you'll need to muffle your sounds of pleasure. Set aside a soft pillow to cover your mouth for when you're just about to come.
With practice you'll be able to orgasm more quietlym and you won't need to muffle the sound. Chances are you'll prefer your late-night comes to be stress-relievers. Making a big production out of them defeats their purpose.
Save the earth-shattering climaxes for when you're all alone, and crying out with joy only wakes up the neighbors.
So give masturbating at the office a try. If your boss asks why you're so happy, tell him you enjoy your work!
Should your masturbating wake up your husband or boyfriend, just tell him you were having a bad dream. Or better yet, pretend to be asleep yourself, and say he must have been having a dream. That should get him thinking!
This article and all other articles on this site are not meant as medical or personal advice. They are presented for their entertainment value only. Please consult a qualified health practitioner.