You're finally all alone, nobody to barge in on you. It's lightly raining outside, you have nothing pressing to do, and you're snuggled up in bed. You reach between the sheets, and your fingers find their way under the waistband of your favorite jammies.
Yep, your kitty is still there, just where you last left it. Your button isn't yet at attention, but you've got some lubrication going on, so you figure, what the hell, you might as well diddle the skittle.
Twenty minutes later, and still nothing. You finally give up in disgust. Your orgasm is shot, and so is the rest of your day.
No fair, right? No kidding! When you masturbate you should be able to achieve orgasm. It's the most natural thing in the world when you touch yourself, but for some reason, it just doesn't always happen.
Let's review some of the reasons why, so your can avoid the dreaded Throbbing Arm syndrome the next time your clit gets that twinkle in its little pink eye.
Orgasms can take work. If you're zonked leave it til morning. Or at least the middle of the night after you've had a few Z's.
Give yourself a bit of a rest and then try again. Some girls find it easier (and refreshing) to masturbate right after taking a nice afternoon snooze. If you always wait to masturbate until the very end of the day, you may find that you're always too tired to really give it your all.
Orgasms greatly reduce stress, so we masturbate to self-medicate and relieve that stress. Only thing is, orgasms usually need positive mental stimulation. Stress is the opposite of that.
During periods of extreme stress - anything from a death in the family to job loss - it's probably not a good idea to shoot for a throbbing climax. Instead, try meditation, yoga, or a pint of ice cream.
Leave masturbating to relieve the stress of a bad day at the office, an argument with your partner, or the day before your family is expected for a holiday visit.
When we concentrate on something too long and hard we can lose sight of the objective - basically forgetting what the hell we're doing. If you're bummed out because you're not able to come, try to refocusing your thoughts to something else. It need only be temporary.
Here's a way: concentrating on breathing. In-out, in-out, in-out. Very measured. Very precise. Or, think about the exact positions of your head, arms, and legs as you're laying on the bed. While masturbating consciously visualize the stress leaving your hands and feet. Give it color, substance, depth. Imagine the stress as a puff of smoke. Watch it as it slowly wafts to the ceiling, then dissipates into nothingness.
Get your mind off actually trying to orgasm, and you might be surprised at how easily it then happens.
Most of us masturbate the same way since adolescence. BORING!
Change it up. If you usually masturbate with one hand rubbing your clit, and the other tweaking a nipple, try - oh, I don't know - a little pocket vibrator. Where and how you use the vibe is up to you.
Many girls masturbate in the same setting. Never changes. The most common place is in bed, either late at night after everyone else has gone to sleep, or early in the morning. Surprise your clitoris (she's easily amused anyway) and try something different.
If you use a vibrating friend - and every chick should, at least sometimes - your body may have grown accustomed to its hum. It's much better to have a veritable arsenal of vibratory gadgets, phallus-shaped do-dads, and other toys to choose from. The change keeps your body alert to new and different sensations.
Example: Some vibrators you use only on your clitoris. You might try one that you insert into your vagina (or anus if that's your preference). Try two toys at the same time, like a vibrating egg in your pussy, and a stronger massaging wand or rabbit you apply directly to your clitoris.
Using a different assortment of toys at different times decreases the opportunity for your body to desensitize itself to the same stimulation.
Certain prescription meds, from cholesterol reducing drugs to anti-depressants, can cause changes in libido (sex drive). The same drugs can also alter your body's responses to physical stimulus, such as orgasmic response.
Review with your doctor any sex-related side effect that you suspect is from the prescriptions you are taking. There may be other medications that do the same things, but don't have those side effects.
Same thing can happen with alcohol and some recreational drugs. (It's also true that certain stuff, like pot, is known to enhance the orgasmic experience in some people. Your Mileage May Vary.) The bottom line is this: find a personal balance, of whatever is the stuff that turns you on, that still allows you to enjoy your body in the way you were meant to.
Few of us are born knowing everything about our body, let alone how to please it. These things take exploration and experimentation. That's exactly what masturbation is for, and why it was invented!
There are many instructional guides on masturbation techniques and enhanced orgasm. You have a choice of books or videos. Check out some of our picks in the sidebar on the left
and you just can't seem to push that itty-bitty orgasm out no matter what you do, consider seeing a doctor or counselor. During your annual pelvic exam discuss with your doctor your difficulties in reaching orgasm. There may be a physical problem that can be dealt with.
This article and all other articles on this site are not meant as medical or personal advice. They are presented for their entertainment value only. Please consult a qualified health practitioner.